We recently pulled our somewhat old desktop computer out of the basement. I knew what I would find on that hard drive would be full of memories, but I had literally no idea how much I had stored on there that I forgot about. ALL the songs I wrote in college, all my favorite emails, journal entries, all my term papers and assignments, and the majority of my young little family's pictures just SITTING there, not being viewed. Not only am I not skilled in the art of scrapbooking, I also apparently lack the skill to burn all my best pics onto a CD and take them in to Costco. We all know that's not true, but sometimes it feels like it, the way I procrastinate on this issue.
Above all these memories, I found my most cherished file folder: "Verse of the Day" entries.
I spent the second half of my Freshman year at Gonzaga waking up to my Bible, laptop, and flood of thoughts. I somehow managed to develop a list of close to 100 followers who apparently thought I had something to share. I sent out a single email every morning, including a few thoughts and a verse to go with it. I felt privileged that God used me the way He did, and I remember a constant flow of wisdom and ENERGY from God I just didn't understand.
And now I look back, and wish I was there (to some extent). I remember the peace of waking up and letting God speak through me in that very specific way, and wish I could do that again. I think I express myself and God speaks through me, in a very different way now.
Sadly, one of the email accounts I used in college went inactive and deleted itself, along with the majority of my entries. But I am thankful for the ones left. Its not like "The Word" died with my email account or anything, but my memories sure did. My friend Erika had actually suggested I turn them into a book. That became my plan eventually, but once my account disappeared, so did that desire.
So... here I am being used for God's will in ways I never expected, wondering if I'll ever really go back to that. We change throughout life, in our personality, giftings, and talents. We're not always meant to do what we once did. But I hope and pray my writing and my music never leave me. Then again... it could be God's way of showing me he's in control. :)
