Things.

Unlike most of my posts on this blog, this one isn't deeply thought out, connected in any way, or pre-meditated.

- There are two sides to me, and I can't ever quite figure out what triggers either side of my personality. I guess I'd compare myself with a two-sided Cassette tape. Side A: silly, random, light-hearted. Side B: intuitive, philosophical, emotional. Those who know me well see both sides. However, at times I feel most people don't really know me, and just don't get me.

- Tonight's sermon was called "Plan Be." I liked it. This weekend's "Be-Attitude" was having the realization that I am spiritually broke. You know, I guess you could call it one of my quirks but I have always been able to publicly and fully admit I am sinful, flawed, and completely inadequate. I have always been able to admit the only reason I am ANYTHING is because God created me and loves me. I was just thinking today about how easily we forget how much He sustains us. Every breath I take is because of God. But I do think where I don't fully grasp this concept is my inability to completely let go and let Him take over. I repeatedly take the stress, carry it in my upper back, melt down, then let God piece me back together (and ask my husband for a backrub). It would make much more sense if I allowed God to lead me in my entirety from the start.

- My husband summited Mount Baker today, I think for the fourth time. He is a muscle-packed 6-foot tall mountain man who happens to bake and cook extremely well, and loves our kids. We'll be married seven years on August 1st. He is my bestest friend, my comforting touch, and the servant heart who leads our family.

- I have had an interesting journey of ups & downs, and ins & outs with friends. Wow, I could write a book of the excitement, betrayal, gullibility, pain, confusion, despair, joy, giddiness, guilt, frustration, loneliness, peace... and each of those words brought up a different memory. Isn't it interesting how life works, and what we go through and still come out moderately healthy individuals? I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I do thank Christ for being my constant.

- Flavors I like that I didn't before: lemon, coconut, hazelnut, V8. And no, I don't think all of those would go together. But its seriously freaking me out that within this past year, I suddenly like these flavors I once despised. There go my taste buds!

- I still dream of playing pro soccer. Sure, I quit my college team and gave up my scholarship after my sophomore season, but someone would take me, right? Can't I at least just practice with them?!! You have to have massive credentials to make it that far, but I'm thinking if I just hop the fence and start running around like I'm on the team, no one will notice.

That's all folks.

Ah, National Holidays.

Fourth of July. I am not incredibly patriotic, prefer to not wear red AND blue together, and can't afford to buy most of the stuff at the street fairs. But you know what, its my favorite holiday.

Every year, we spend the Fourth with an amazing group of people... we eat amazing food, enjoy the parade as our kids scavenge the cement for thrown candy, eat more, drink a little (this year, Boundary Bay Scotch Ale), and lay around in the grass as giddily happy kids run around us.

I had a moment Monday when the sense of peace completely overwhelmed me. Sometimes I get those short glimpses of what heaven must be like... enjoying and loving my community of people who love God and care about each other. The soft breeze picking up scents of grilled meat, flowers and trees as I soak in the heat of the midday sun. Although I bet I won't need allergy medication in heaven.

I love LOVE spending time with my family. Two nights of fun with my parents, and Jer& Deen and their amazing kids. Finally winning at Cities&Knights, an extraordinarily nerdy game, but hey... we like it. And, at times, we're willing to stay up till insane hours of the night to finish it. :)

And I love my parent-in-laws' backyard how despite being in the middle of "downtown" Blaine, I feel like I'm in a secret garden.

The downtown stage always has awesome music. I love watching the musicians and singers, and dreaming of someday being put-together-enough to be up there. It'll happen. :)

To top it off, the best fireworks EVER (except the day Aaron told me he loved me and wanted to marry me). But in all seriousness, Blaine has the best fireworks show. I enjoy it too much to take pictures.

And that's pretty much it. Ahh...

Colossians 1:17

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

I can't go a single day without recognizing the significance of this statement. People have known it for years upon years, and it still rings true today. If you take a look at the rest of this passage in the Bible, it talks about Jesus being the image of God, who created everything and has power over everything seen and unseen. But this verse stood out to me above the rest.

In everything, I can find God. I don't mean he DWELLS in trees or cups of coffee, but I DO mean that in every life circumstance, I can see the hand of God. Once you are aware of this, you tend to see it more. In a quiet moment by myself before the sun rises, I can hear His quiet whisper telling me to enjoy the moment. As I drink my coffee, I know He's there with me like a coach, getting me ready for whatever lies ahead in my day.

As long as you acknowledge His presence in your life, I truly believe He will bless you. That obviously doesn't mean life will be better, perfect, or pretty. But, it DOES mean His hand will be your hand. His voice will be your voice. You'll know what God expects from you, and He will guide you in HIS path. I guess that does mean you have to care more what He wants than about your own dreams, but I guess that is a sacrifice I am willing to take. Its a sacrifice I have to commit myself to on a daily basis, or I just start to get greedy, selfish, stubborn, and self-focused.

If in Christ all things hold together, then out of Christ they simply fall apart.

Childhood Friends...

My friend Melissa has known me her whole life. I have known her since I was one year old. That would obviously make her the longest-running friend I have, and she visited me in Blaine today! It has been so fun growing in our friendship as the years have gone on, and discovering the many ways we're alike, not only between the two of us, but also between our kids! It was a great day catching up, playing at the park, eating DELICIOUS homemade flatbread chicken salad sandwiches, and just enjoying a beautiful sunny day. I love how she and I always fall into a natural conversation, despite how long its been since we've seen each other... this time 9 months since we last saw each other. I think its been overall just a fun experience for both of us (ok I can only speak for myself here) to see each other grow up, get married, raise a family, and follow Christ the whole way through it. What a fun adventure, and way to share life with someone. :)

Joy.

The other night, I sat down with a heavy heart. I had a long, frustrating day of feeling intense burden about important things in my life, and feeling out of control. I also felt that my current inconsistency with REAL sit-down devotional time deserved a nice big slap in the face (mine). I sat down Sunday evening fully expecting to open my Bible to a passage telling me I was sinful, messed up, and utterly flawed. As much as I know ALL of those are possible in my character, God did not give me a wake-up slap in the face this time.

I opened my Bible and immediately felt I should turn to Psalm. After all, songs and expression have been on my mind quite a bit lately. Psalm 30 was ultimately the chapter I chose to focus on. I urge you to read it, but this part stuck out to me: "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever.."

At first, I thought God must be speaking something different into my life, and I just wasn't listening. Maybe I had turned to the wrong passage. But when I sat down with my pen to write, the thought occurred to me that I am ALLOWED to be joyful. Despite my flaws. Despite my mistakes and failures. Despite my distractedness, impatience... I am completely justified in my joy. Its ok to be overwhelmingly thankful, full of love, driven by passions, and to THRIVE despite the inadequate nature of my own being. I am thankful...

... for my family. For Ian, Ana, and my husband Aaron who forgives, loves, leads, and makes me feel incredibly important in this world with each 12 hour day he works to support us. For the rest of my family and the way each complete me in their own way.

... for sunsets. Something about sunsets completely moves me, and I am just not sure if I'll ever have an answer. Pictures don't do them justice. Ever.
...For magical moments. The picture below of Ana reminded me so much of creation. God gently and lovingly patting firm the dirt and rocks of the mountains as the sun shone down on the freshly created earth. I have moments like this regularly, and I figure they are just a glimpse into the permanent and lasting beauty of heaven.


...for friendships, new and old. Dear friendships I have cherished and held onto so tight as we grow and start new lives and families and move away. Cherished friends who appeared in my life just at the right time. Kindred spirits who completely get me, and accept me as I am. Each has an incredibly special place in my heart.

...for the area I live in. The beauty I breathe in and wake up to every day.

There is a line in a song we sing at our church that says "what joy for those whose hope is in the name of the Lord, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone." It is completely true with me. Sometimes I forget that this joy is to share and not keep to myself, because it feels. so. good. I feel the joy, just like sugar, sweetens everything in life. It doesn't make it perfect, but it sure does taste better.

Writer's Block

Being the visual person I am, when I considered diagnosing myself with writer's block, my brain literally envisioned a large cement block, and little me standing behind it, looking up. I would have just walked around it but the pools with sharks with laser beams and rabid dogs stood guard on either side... for miles. Then I considered jumping. I was a hurdler AND a high jumper when I participated (or rather victoried) in Track. I know how to jump quite well and, despite my vertically-challenged frame, I just might make it over. Not a chance. The brick was built just tall enough that even my hops couldn't get me over this one. Finally, as if a lightbulb had turned on in my head symbolizing a fantastic idea, a lightbulb turned on in my head. The brick was made of cheese. Slowly I started nibbling away at the giant brick, much like a mouse to its wheel of cheese. Then I realized I am not a mouse, but a person. And there are many ways to eat cheese.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I only have half the wheel of cheese left. Getting close. In the meantime, sorry blog world... not much excitement here.

to ian

To my nine pound five

The one who waited six days

To live outside the warm

Embrace of mother’s cave

To my ringlet boy

My blond haired ball of muscle

My warm milk guzzling

Bundle of joy

To my terrible love,

For juice and mother’s will

Collide, yet you are my pride

To my son who transforms

into rex or cheetah or bear

Preys on innocent princesses

Loves on wary tears

To the taller, growing still

Against my heart’s protecting will

Holding on, letting go

Journey onward, go boy, go!